John Hegley is Lovely

Pat

I said Pat
you are fat
and you are cataclysmically desirable
and to think I used to think
that slim was where it's at
well not any more Pat
you've changed that
and love yourself
and flatter yourself
and shatter their narrow image of the erotic
and Pat said
what do you mean FAT?

John Hegley

Today Should Have Been a Snow Day

...but it wasn't. It was snowy then it started raining and was just slushy and everything was gray and everyone nearly broke their necks trying to walk around and the wet soaked through your clothes and left you feeling cold and damp (a terrible combination) and nobody smiled at all and my poor toes are still recovering.

The only thing keeping me sane all day was the thought of my lovely pen pal, who is the best person in the whole world. He writes the best letters and even sent me the Twin Peaks movie! He is the stranger in the supermarket that I needed, pointing me towards the counter where they keep the big loudspeaker that they use to announce sales and the names of small lost children.

-Lauren

PS- My google search for "slush gross" didn't turn up anything good, so I just threw a picture of Johnson & Johnson in there. It's better than no photo, I guess. This lack of a camera has become irritating.

everyone loves this woman

but everyone should.

Stewart Lee

Stewart Lee is hilarious. These clips are long, but they are totally worth watching.



There's a bunch more, too.

-Lauren

You are lucky to be in Russia, as far away from this as possible.

He's Just Not That Into You looks like it might be worse than Glitter.



First of all, what is Jennifer Connelly doing in there? I am going to pray that someone she loves has been kidnapped and she only took the part to be able to pay the ransom. She used to be so discerning. She was like the anti-Brendan Fraser. You know how, when you see Brendan Fraser in a movie, you can pretty much tell that it is going to be Godawful? She was the anti-that! If she was in a movie, it was going to be awesome, and even if it was bad (Phenomena) you knew she was going to be awesome in it.

I'm not even going to touch the fact that the first half of this trailer is a woman desperately waiting for a phone call.

Every time a movie like this comes out, I spend a week bitterly angry that trash like this gets made. Not just because this money could have been put towards a good (I would even settle for decent) movie, but because someone somewhere thinks that a lot of people are going to love this shit. And they are! This movie is going to make a ton of money.

I am going to stop before I burst a blood vessel, but first let me say: everything about this movie irritates me (I'm looking in your direction, ScarJo).

-Lauren

Shave the Planet

We had a mustache party the other day for the new Shave the Planet shaving cream! It was fun at first, but those 'staches get itchy. We got a new soap in, too! It smells like old people (note the lack of exclamation point at the end of this sentence). On the bright side, it smells like classy old people.

Sarah Haskins

Sarah Haskins is awesome and I am in love with her. She is clever and funny and offers this hilarious perspective that had been neglected before she came around. She does three minute shorts on Current that even Ben likes, and he hates everything! Seriously. He often tells me there is no such thing as a funny woman. Here are my favorites:







There was some Macy's drama this morning! The Lancome lady keeps coming over and telling us that we are lazy. Except she only yells at Zahra, who is probably the sweetest girl in the whole world. Someone new came over today and then kept skulking around the store.

I told Zahra that, if the Lancome lady harasses her again, she should tell her that she is the punchline of a bad joke and then call her a racist.

-Lauren

PS- Joey's posts make me feel inferior.

Altreeism

Most days, I lay in trees to watch the world
Most day, I witness our better half
Somedays, I'm disillusioned

I fall off my branch and tangle in sedge
Do you walk past me?
Do you walk past my open hand?

Today, our roots wrap, intertwine
In the human pool of
Ignorant, self righteous, dogma

May the years grow our sentience
Deepen our pith
Elongate our spurs

To which i hang on

We're all hanging on

=joey

Inauguration

So the plan was to take tons of photos at the party on Tuesday, but apparently nobody has a digital camera. We played Kings with 40's, which seemed like a good idea at first. The boys are probably still finding vomit around the house. All in all, it was a good night.

Check it out, Obama hasn't even been president for a week and the Dunkaccino is already back. It's all going to be okay, America.


-Lauren

PS- I finished watching Twin Peaks. I'm not really sure what to do with myself anymore. It's a really strange feeling. I feel like a little kid lost in a supermarket, just hoping someone shows up to point me in the right direction.

More YouTube

This is what we have been laughing at lately here in New Brunswick.

Warnings.

Thanks, the 50's.

Notes from a Hermit

I have been listening to a lot of Frida Hyvönen today, which is odd considering I've not been able to pull myself away from Twin Peaks (one episode away from the end!) for the last week.

Here is a song that I really like, and it is a song that (if this makes any sense) feels like snow to me. Maybe I should send you sunny feeling songs, but, come on, you're in Russia. And it's not a bad sort of snow. It's the clean kind. Before the trucks come along.



-Lauren

hm.

that post didn't work as planned. the words which accompany those delicious dogs: 

THEY'VE GONE AND DONE IT 

Someone has made a french fry-encased hot dog on a stick. (photo 1)

Not to be confused with Korea's tater-tot-encased hot dog on a stick. (photo 2)

also. 

nice.

WHAT TOOK SO LONG

-joey

YOU ARE IN RUSSIA.

It's okay, Kate. Now you will remain up to date with the Jersey happenings. Even things you didn't think you wanted to know. Starting tomorrow.